Note: This story is the second part of a three-part series. The suggested reading order is Forty Days, Bird Song, and Odd at Sea.
The Diary of Elinor Martin for the year 1974
Tues 1/1
My sister gave me this diary for Christmas. She’s kept a diary probly since junior high, but I never have. When I first got home for Christmas we were talking about how neat it was that Grandma Martin has kept a diary since she was 16. Maybe Annie thought I would be inspired by that.
Ok. I’ll try to write something every single day, at least a few words about the weather like Grandma M did. And who knows, maybe I’ll get into the habit.
Fri 1/4
Been packing the last 2 days. Psyched that Annie’s going to drive me back to school. Can’t wait to see everyone!
Only thing is, she wants to leave by 7. She wants to do the round trip in one day. Ugh! What a drag! I HATE getting up early.
Really psyched for the January session! Gotta spend some time on my senior paper, but the rest of time will just be hanging out & having fun. Been thinking there are a few people I want to get to know better: Sandra Kendrick, Jaime Thompson & Bob Peterson. They all seem really cool.
But NO romance. Just five months left until we all go our separate ways, & I’ve had enough of breaking up. It just hurts too much. I’m just gonna enjoy my friendships.
Sat 1/5
Trip back to school w/Annie was fun! It’s a wonder we could fit all my stuff in that little VW bug! So glad Daddy installed the 8-track player. We listened to The Temps Greatest Hits…Rubber Soul…Big Girls Don’t Cry. Great tapes!
Lots of snow on the ground from Elkins to Clarksburg. Bare, black trees against the white hills -- just beautiful. Crossing into Ohio there was not much snow left. Stopped at the Big Boy outside of Cambridge for lunch. Love their fish sandwiches!
Got back to campus a little before 1. Martha helped us carry my stuff up to my room. Annie hung out for a bit, then headed back to Elkins.
Kate & Car showed up later in the PM, & we all went to the new pizza place downtown for dinner. Pretty good pizza for this one-horse town!
Sun 1/6
Interesting conversation this morning. Kate, Pris & I were having a really cozy time in the kitchen, sitting in our jammies drinking coffee & hot chocolate. Martha came in rubbing her eyes. She went out with Sam Cameron last night! She said he’s nicer, richer, smarter & better looking than Fergie, but….no spark. So, then we got to talking about how you know when you’ve met THE ONE. I’ve wondered that so many times.
Kate said she talked to her mom about it & she said, You just know.
We looked at each other & I thought, Great. Not very helpful.
Pris really wants to see ‘The Way We Were’ so we’re all gonna go out the road this afternoon.
Just got back from seeing The Way We Were. Great flick but I just cried & cried! Mostly I was thinking about how much I hurt David when I broke up with him before Christmas break. Having trouble settling down. Feel so restless. Think I’ll go over to the center.
Mon 1/7
No, no, NO! It’s too soon!!!! I’m not even 21! This can’t be happening now!
Got home at 7 a.m. this morning & Kate was walking out of her room & she looked really surprised. She asked, Where’ve YOU been.
I tell her, With Jaime Thompson.
She’s like, WHAT?? All night??
I’m like, Yeah, but mostly we just talked! AND you are not going to believe this! Remember us talking about knowing when you meet THE ONE? And you said your mom said, You just know? Well…I KNOW. He’s THE ONE.
She goes, You’re kidding! He’s not even your type!
I go, I KNOW!
She just shakes her head & says, Wow.
Tried to sleep but stuff from last nite just keeps running thru my head. Walked to the Stag House with Kate for lunch as usual. Couldn’t focus on anything she said, thinking about Jaime.
Tues 1/8
J’s in class now, so I’m taking the chance to catch this up.
Yesterday afternoon I couldn’t wait to see him, so I went to his house a little after 2. J wasn’t there yet, so, I waited at the top of the stairs. When he opened the outside door, he looked up & saw me & smiled really big. He ran up the stairs 2 at a time to hug me. He kissed me. Then he said it – I love you.
But I couldn’t say it back even though I feel like I do love him. I’ve never told anyone I loved them before, not even my parents. I wanted to, but it feels so weird. I want to be sure before I say something like that.
He said, I know you love me; you’ll tell me when you’re ready. How does he know that!? Then we sat on his sofa & made out a little but he didn’t push anything. He said, I love you, and I’ve never said that to any other girl.
Have been awake for the past 3 days. Still not sleepy but hopefully will sleep tonite.
I hope I keep track of this diary, so, when I’m old, I can remember what it was like to fall so crazy in love. Falling is right.
Wed 1/9
Walked over to the quad to catch the Wednesday Movie, and we saw the full moon just rising over the Science Center. Beautiful, clear, cold nite. I said, Isn’t funny how the moon looks bigger when it’s closer to the horizon. J said, doesn’t look bigger to me. Kind of irritating.
J asked why everyone calls me Elinor. Told him, I was always called Ellie growing up, mostly “little Ellie”. Grrrr. When I transferred here, I decided to change to Elinor. Old fashioned, but more grownup. He asked if he could call me Ellie. Sounds nice coming from him, so yes! Just not LITTLE Ellie!
The movie was Harvey. It was pretty a silly, but kinda liked it; maybe cuz I had my own invisible friends when I was little. Haha.
On the way back to his house we stopped to look at the moon thru the trees, & it looked smaller than before. He even said it was beautiful but didn’t comment on its size. Huh?
So tired; thank goodness we left the sheets & blanket on the sofa bed. Got up to go to bathroom during the nite, & he asked, Where are you going? The bathroom, I said, & he asked, Are you coming back? Haha! Sweet tho.
The bathroom on J’s floor is SO gross, but I’m not gonna clean it. Don’t want him to think I’m gonna do that kinda stuff.
Sun 1/13
I love you, Jaime! I love you, Ellie! How wonderful! I love you, I love you, I love you! I love you, too!
Never said it in my family. Jaime’s says it all the time. When I have children, I want us to say it every day.
Tues 1/15
So weird to be with J. I remember him in Thematic Studies my 1st semester, & thought cool name. He always answered questions & said stuff in discussions. Thought someone like that would never be interested in someone like me. I never talked in class, didn’t really following discussions, just bored out of my mind. But it’s so different than what I thought. He always seemed so serious, but we laugh all the time. He is so funny, & laughs with delight at things I say. Mostly I don’t realize they’re funny til he laughs. We have so much fun.
We are so opposite. He had a terrible time in grade school but is good at college. Grade school was so easy for me, reading since I was 4, skipped 2nd grade, won school spelling bees, etc. haha! J said he could picture me, a tiny 4-year-old reading an encyclopedia but having trouble holding it up! Pretty much the truth! Said he didn’t read a whole book til he was 12!!! So hard to believe. He still reads slowly.
Made me think about stuff I’m learning for my senior project – learning disabilities, dyslexia, etc. He’s sorta right handed and left footed. That’s mixed dominance. Also found out he confuses b&d, q&p, etc. Terrible speller. Told him he might be dyslexic. He never heard of it. Surprised he believed me. Ha.
Thurs 1/24
Scary excited! J told me he’s planning to go to AZ after graduation. He’s staying with his cousin Eric & looking for a job. We talked about it for a long time and decided I’d go & live with him after he gets a job! So excited, a little worried about the heat. Scared to tell M&D. Been hearing about a few people living together & it sounded strange, but now it seems alright. M&D have no idea I’ve sorta been living with him here.
But excited that we are going to stay together & start a new life in AZ!
Sun 2/3
Well, tomorrow is the first day of my last semester in college. Wow! Can’t believe it.
My classes are: Geology, Styles of Acting, Experimental Psych, Abnormal Psych, & my senior project. I could kick myself for not working on my project more last month, but…. I was busy! Don’t really need both psych classes to graduate, so I think I might drop one.
J is taking Romantic & Victorian Poetry, Process Philosophy, & writing a short novel for his senior project. I asked J to read me some of the romantic poetry, but he said, It’s not that kind poetry… He said, If you want love poetry, I’ll write you some!
Tues 2/12
It’s been snowing all day, big fluffy flakes. We probly have 5 or 6 inches on the ground already!! After dinner we went traying on Moore Hill!
It was dark, but there was enuf lite from Moore Hall – love how the snow sparkles at nite! Already lots of kids going down the hill. We made a tray train. Haha. J put his tray behind mine, wrapped his legs around me, & pushed us off! What a trip! I screamed the whole way!! Started spinning near the bottom & fell off & rolled down together! Did it a couple more times, but I got tired of walking all the way up the hill, so we stopped.
What a blast!
Went back to his place, & studied. Sorta. Haha.
Thurs 2/14 (Valentine’s Day)
Jaime brought me flowers & a Haiku poem he wrote!
Distant, flutt’ring leaf
Moonshine wakes our lonely hearts
Love blooms in winter
The poem was attached to the bouquet. “Blooms” get it? So romantic!
Got J a brownie & a card. We shared the brownie.
Sat 2/16
J got a letter from his mom saying his dad will be back in the US this coming week. He’s gonna drive up to school on Fri, & will probly be here late in the afternoon!
Wow, excited but nervous!! His dad sounds nice, but still.
J is really excited; hasn’t seen his dad much since his parents & sister moved to Belgium. Yikes! What would it be like to live so far away from my family?
Fri 2/22
Jaime left his laundry in our dryer. Pris needed it; so, I decided to take it back to his room before his dad gets here. Did NOT want his dad to think I do his laundry. Right on Women’s lib!
What a shock when I walked into J’s room! There was his dad sitting in the recliner talking to J. His dad stood up right away, of course, shook my hand & smiled. He is really tall, and seems really nice.
But I was so mad that he saw me bringing J’s laundry to his room. I made a point of saying to J that HE had left it in our dryer, & I took it out cuz Pris needed it. I hope J closed the sofa bed before his dad got there, & also threw out the damn condom wrappers.
I wrote this out cuz I need to settle down. We’re all going out to dinner in a little while.
Sat 2/23
Well, the entire evening with J’s dad (I’m supposed to call him Tom!) was really fun! First, we went to The Tavern in Zanesville for dinner. They had steaks & I had Dover sole. It was really, really good. I felt a rapport with Tom right away. He likes to tease & joke around, & I somehow just always had little comebacks for him. Could see he was surprised & tickled. He is so fun and nice. I can sorta see why Jaime is the way he is, just really nice, like his dad.
After dinner we went to see The Sting with Paul Newman (what a hunk!) & Robert Redford (also a hunk!). It was a really funny flick, lots of unexpected stuff, & we just laughed & laughed! In the car coming back to campus, Tom & I bantered back & forth!
When J & I got back to his room he had this really big grin on his face that made me kinda blush. I go, What? He goes, I knew he’d think you’re great, but I’ve never seen anybody handle my dad like that. I was like, I was just having fun. He’s like, So was my dad! I can hardly wait for my mom’s next letter. You knocked it out of the park.
Phew! What a relief!
Tues 3/5
Last time I wrote M&D, I asked if it was ok if J came home with me for Spring Break. Mommy said it was fine. I think they’ll really like him. He’s intellectual like Daddy, so I can see them having some interesting conversations. I want them to see what a good person he is. But J doesn’t want to spend the entire week in Elkins cuz he needs to work on his novel. He’s probly gonna hitch to Clarksburg on the 29th & I’ll pick him up there.
Fri 3/8
Something really cool happened today! Diana Carter asked me to try out for her sr. project, which is a play ‘50s called The Curious Savage. Never heard of it. She also said, Bring along that boyfriend of yours. Haha. It would be cool to be in a play with J again now that we’re together!
Wed 3/13
Yay!! J & I are both in the play! We did a read thru tonite & it’s gonna be so neat!l
We’re patients in a private sanitarium. I play Fairy Mae, a silly girl who says lots of funny stuff. Like one of her first lines is: “I was stolen by gypsies as a child & rescued just as they were about to dye my skin with walnut juice.” No one believes her & she pouts & says “Well, I was.” hahaha! J is playing a concert pianist with a disfiguring scar on his face, & he keeps it covered all the time with his hand. We have a week of rehearsals before spring break.
Fri 3/22
Mommy picked me up today, & I introduced her to J. She’s so shy but of course she was very polite. She always says, “how do you do”. I really wanted to know what she thought of him but as usual she didn’t say anything. I guess she just met him so she doesn’t really know!
Mon 4/1
Well, spring break went great. I really missed J the first few days, but then he came down on Thurs instead of Fri! He said he missed me so much that he wasn’t getting anything done at school! He & Daddy had several long conversations about books & politics & history & other stuff. I think Daddy really likes him! I wonder if M&D can tell how different I feel about him than my other boyfriends.
Mon 4/15
So busy with the play! Very fun but takes so much time – glad J’s in it with me so I at least get to see him in the evenings. We run lines for each other & study when we’re not on stage. Trying to keep up with classes, but…
Sun 4/21
The 3rd & last performance of The Curious Savage is this afternoon. What a blast it’s been! The audience really loves my character, & they laugh at almost every line. I must admit I’ve been laying it on thicker & thicker with each performance. J says I have a little bit of Fairy May in me & I like that! He’s been telling me I’m really good & I thought he was just biased but maybe not! Feeling a little sad that the show is almost over. What a trip!
Sun 4/28
Finished my senior project. It’s not as good as I hoped, but Dr. Titus says it’ll be enough for at least a C. I could blame J for distracting me during the January session, but he did help me stay on track this semester.
Fri 5/3
I can’t believe my classes are all over. I only have one final, Geology. I’ve been in school most of my life & now I’m all done. It’s a relief, but SCARY! To think I’ll be looking for a job now, starting a career. I don’t really feel grown up enough to do all that.
Sun 5/5
The lady J hired to type up his novel made a mess of it. Terrible grammar & misspelled words. He’s kinda in a bind cuz it needs to be typed to turn it in. So, I offered to do it for him. I can start it Tues after my Geo final. Good thing his advisor gave him an extension til Fri.
Tues 5/7
Geo final is done, pretty sure I did ok. Now to start typing J’s novel.
Wed 5/8
J asked what I thought of his novel. I said it’s nice & he laughed. He said, It’s awful.
Yeah, it is pretty terrible!
Sat 5/11
Finished typing the novel yesterday morning. It was kinda fun at first, working together in his room, him making corrections on the typed version & me typing & asking him what this word is supposed to be & what word did he mean to put here. Can’t believe what a terrible speller he is. I’m gonna find a book to help him learn to spell better. How can he be a writer when he’s such a terrible speller?
After a while I got really tired of typing the damn thing – my neck, back, & butt all hurt. Plus, he started leaving me alone to work on it while he went & played bball, hung out at the center & went to graduation parties. I’m really angry that I missed those parties! Sure, he asked if it was okay if he went, but that put me in a terrible spot. He should have just known to stay with me while I’m slaving away for him? That’s just so inconsiderate.
Tues 5/13
Scared – mailed the letter to M&D telling them about our plans to live together in AZ. Now they’ll figure out we’ve been sleeping together & that’s embarrassing. They’re gonna be really upset about everything. But, it’s my life.
Mon 5/14
Got a B on my sr project! Yay! But ticked off that J got an A on his novel – he said they probly didn’t even read it. That they probly just weighed it. What?? That made me so mad. I gave up all that free time when I could have been having fun with my friends. To hell with that!
Wed 5/15
Sorta feel like crying, thinking about everything coming to an end. The friends that I’ve gotten so close to, living with them, sharing the fun times, & seeing them whenever I want. These are the last few days with J til I go out there to live with him. It’s all been so much fun. Just a few more days of hanging out, parties, beautiful spring flowers, picnics on Patton Hill, sweet kisses, sleeping til noon. Happy & sad at the same time.
Thurs 5/16
Jaime finished packing his trunk this a.m. & his friend Ted Zimmerman took him to Cambridge to ship it to his cousin. He sold the sofa bed & recliner to the guy who’s gonna live in his room next year. Weird to think of someone else living where so much happened – where I fell in love with Jaime. I cried while he was gone with Ted.
Fri 5/17
This will be our last night together for who knows how long….
Sun 5/19
Geez, graduation was a disaster. So uncomfortable & awkward. M&D were not their usual selves; understandable, I guess. Hardly spoke to either J or me. The ceremony was boring & too long.
J’s parents didn’t come; they stayed in Belgium for his sister’s high school graduation. He didn’t say anything but I could tell it made him sad.
J helped us load all my stuff into the car. I kissed him goodbye & then we left.
Ted dropped J off at the train station in Cincinnati at 4 this morning. His cousin will pick him up in Flagstaff on Tues afternoon. Wish so bad I was on that train with J right now…
Tues 5/21
Had a bad couple of days missing J, but have to admit that it is oddly comforting to be at home. The moment we left after graduation, M&D behaved as if they never got my letter about going to AZ with Jaime. We just don’t talk about it.
Mommy made my favorite dinner (lobster tail, yum) my first night back. Then Daddy grilled marinated veal chops this evening, also a fave. Meals have been nice; Daddy’s been even warmer & more attentive than normal & Mommy’s been unusually patient. Wondering what this barrage of kindness means. Are they aware that I am hurting & disoriented, missing Jaime & my friends? Or are they trying to guide their straying daughter back to the flock?
After dinner, Daddy asked me if I have plans for the summer. I said, Haven’t given it much thought. He said, There’s a VISTA program looking for volunteers; it’s a day camp for disadvantaged kids. You might look into that.
Aren’t many summer jobs in Elkins, so I’ll go down to the VISTA office tomorrow to see what’s what.
Wed 5/22
Well, that was easy. Talked to the VISTA Coordinator, Sally Monroe, about the camp. When she found out I had teaching certification, she got really excited. They have 4 volunteers (3 are D&E students) & looking for more.
We sat down & looked at the suggested program, crafts, activities & so on. I said it looked pretty good, but how about a story time after lunch. She thought that was a great idea. Told her that I have lots of kids books, some belong to my parents & some I bought just because I love them.
So, you’ll join us, she said. I said, I guess so. She said, Great! By the way, volunteering for a program like this looks great on an application for a teaching position.
Tues 5/28
First day at The Elkins Free Day Camp. The camp runs from June 17 thru August 9 with 2 four-week sessions. For the next 2½ weeks we’ll plan & promote the camp & sign up campers.
The other volunteers are Barry Anders, Betsy Williams, Sandy Newman, & Sarah Farmer. Sarah just graduated from Elkins High. They are all really nice!
Barry is pretty cute, & tried to chat me up. I acted dumb. Later took the opportunity to let everybody know that I have a boyfriend. Don’t want to hurt anybody’s feelings.
Spent the morning designing a flyer with the group. Barry took it to the print shop. The shop will have the flyers ready tomorrow afternoon & we’ll start putting it up around town – stores, churches, etc.
Mon 6/3
For promotional activities (distributing fliers & canvassing poorer neighborhoods/hollers), the female volunteers have teamed up. Sarah Farmer (youngest & biggest) & I (oldest & smallest) are one team. Betsy & Sandy are the other team. Barry (not worried about safety) mostly does stuff on his own. Sometimes Sally goes with him if she has nothing else planned.
Fri 6/7
This is our 4th day out in the hollers. The conditions these people live in are UNBELIEVABLE. Falling down shacks, beat up old house trailers, no running water, outhouses, filthy/ragged clothes, fetid bedding & unwashed bodies. Can hardly breathe in some of these places, smells so bad.
Also, the dogs are terrifying; fortunately, Sarah has no fear of dogs, & she gets the owners to take care of them.
Told M&D about it at dinner after the second day & started to cry. Daddy patted my arm & said, I know, it’s heart breaking. In seminary, he pastored at a church on the Southside of Chicago. Starting to understand why he is so committed to Civil Rights.
But it’s not all bad. Many of the parents are SO grateful, especially when they find out we will provide snacks, lunch & transportation if necessary.
Also, it is WONDERFUL to be out in nature. Coming out of a house & into the woods is like breathing the sweetest, purest, most aromatic perfume! And the wildlife! Deer, racoons, rabbits, foxes & birds. Oh, my God, the birds!! Singing & flitting from tree to tree. Recognize robins & cardinals, but there are so many other kinds, all sizes & shapes. There is one medium sized bird with a white underside & gray, white & black wings. I see them all over the place.
Knocked on a door this afternoon. When no one answered, we turned back to the car. Across the field we saw a leafless tree and on the top branch was the silhouette of large bird. I pointed & said, What is that? Sarah said, Oh, a hawk, I think.
A hawk! I saw a hawk today!
Sat 6/8
Went to the D&E library this morning. As I walked in, Mrs. Alton said hello to me from behind the desk. Chatted for a few minutes, then asked if the library had any books about birds. She took me to the stacks & found Petersons Field Guide to Eastern Birds. She said, I think the college book store carries this.
Sat down at a table & within a few minutes found the bird with gray, white & black wings. It’s a mockingbird. How cool is that? So, I swung by the book store.
Thurs 6/13
Got some troubling mail this week. First, I got a letter from J. He’s having trouble getting interviews; he says the economy is down due to the Oil Crisis. He’s had just one interview with an insurance company wanting him to make cold calls in the evenings. He doesn’t think he can do that.
Today I got a large packet from the Education Department. Daddy walked by as I dumped it out on the coffee table. He asked, What’s all that? I said, Job openings in Ohio. He said, Might not hurt to apply, just in case.
Just in case. That’s as close as we have come to talking about my AZ plans.
Fri 6/14
Last day driving out to the hollers. Heard Carly Simon’s version of Mockingbird on the radio.
And if that mockingbird won't sing,
Mama's gonna buy you a diamond ring
Made me smile.
To tell the truth I’ve been paying more attention to birds than house calls. Looking at them & listening to them. They’re very hard to see. So small, so high up in the trees, moving around so fast. But the songs are beautiful.
I think we heard a woodpecker going knock-knock-knock-knock earlier in the week.
Mon 6/17
First day of camp. We’re doing everything for the first time, so it’s chaos. We have the Chariot (an old Jeep Grand Wagoneer) that we use to transport the kids to/from camp. It has room for about ten kids, which means we make two runs in the morning & two in the afternoon. A few of the kids live in town & their parents drop them off. We have about 25 kids every morning.
Those of us not driving in the morning prepare the food for the day: snacks are an apple or banana, lunch is a PB&J, chips & milk/juice. The older boys can eat two or three sandwiches & ask for more.
We do a craft every day, we play games of all sorts, we play sports – kickball, four square, tetherball. They have free time on the playground. We also have rest periods which the volunteers need more than the kids.
Thurs 6/20
Story time is a big hit. We originally planned to do it on Mon, Wed & Fri. But today after lunch the kids complained, No story time today? So, we decided to do it every day. Not sure I have enough books for that, but I can repeat some, & maybe I can get some from the library.
There is one little girl, Anna, that sits in the front & stares up me with the most beautiful blue eyes. Melts my heart.
Sat 6/22
Got another discouraging letter from Jaime this week.
Decided to update my resume with my experience at the day camp, & this morning I went down to the print shop to have it copied. There were five copies of my transcripts in the packet from the Ed Department, so I picked out five school systems: Zanesville, Cambridge, Bellaire, Logan, & Lancaster. Typed up a cover letter (there were samples in the packet) & an envelope for each. Put the cover letter, resume & transcript in each envelope, then stamped & sealed them.
I’ll take them to the post office on Mon.
What do I tell Jaime?
Tues 6/25
Was out on the back porch with Daddy while he was starting the grill. Had my field guide, but, unfortunately, there was not much activity at the bird feeders. He pointed to the book & asked, How’s that going? I said, Not great; most of the birds are too far away to see. He said, I have binoculars you could use. I said, That’d be great. He said, Sure, I’ll get them in a minute.
He showed me how to work the knobs & got it focused on the furthest feeder. Just then a small bird flew up & I could see it really well. It looked like half the birds in the book, so I am not sure what it was.
Daddy said, Have you been to the Forest Service office? They probably have some information about local birds.
What a great idea! Thanks, Daddy!
Sat 6/29
Went the U.S. Forest Service Office over near D&E today. Looked through the rack of pamphlets while waiting for help from one of the park workers. Then heard a voice at my elbow, How can I help you? He was an older man with a nice smile & gray in his mustache.
Showed him my field guide & told him I was interested in learning about the birds in the area. He got me a copy of the “Birds of the Monongahela National Forest Checklist”. It has 6 pages of birds; it was kind of overwhelming.
Novice bird watcher, he asked. I nodded. So, we sat down at a table. He marked a few of the more distinctive/common birds in the area, then we looked at the pictures in my field guide. He told me there was a bird blind out near the Cheat River Lodge, about 15 minutes away, & the best time to watch is early morning & late evening.
What a nice man!
Sun 6/30
Thought about going out to the bird blind today. But I am little scared to go out in the woods by myself. Wonder who I can get to go with me.
Thurs 7/4
Went out to see fireworks with Annie & some of her friends. It was fun!
Wed 7/10
Jaime called me this evening. He told me he got a job & I started to get excited. Then he told me it was selling encyclopedias door-to-door. They are driving north to Utah & Idaho on Monday. He sounded desperate & down-hearted.
This doesn’t sound like a job we can build a future on.
Mon 7/15
Not to be catty, but I’m pretty sure that Sally & Barry are shacking up. These days they often show up at the office together & late.
Guess I’m a fine one to talk considering my plans with Jaime.
Jaime left for Utah this morning
Thurs 7/18
Well, here’s a funny coincidence! Yesterday two school districts, Bellaire & Logan, called the house to arrange interviews. Talked to M&D about it at dinner. Could see them exchange puzzled/pleased looks, but ignored that.
After dinner Daddy got out his map of Ohio. Bellaire is across the Ohio River and just south of Wheeling; Logan is about an hour southeast of Columbus. Daddy figures they are about 2 ½ hours apart & suggested that I try to schedule them for the same day. That way I would only have to make one trip.
Stayed home from the day camp this morning to make the arrangements. After a few calls with each school district, managed to schedule both for July 29; Bellaire at 9 am & Logan at 2:30 pm. Mommy volunteered to drive up to Bellaire with me the day before.
Sat 7/20
Got a letter from Jaime today. He bailed on his encyclopedia job. His letter made me really sad. He sold one set of books, but feels terrible about it because couple can’t really afford it.
I guess it’s a good thing I am interviewing for jobs. Still haven’t told Jaime about that; not sure what to say.
Sun 7/21
Jaime called to let me know he was back in Phoenix & that he has a temporary job at his cousin’s company. He seemed much more upbeat; I still didn’t have the heart to tell him that I am interviewing for teaching jobs. Starting to me make sick to my stomach whenever I think about it.
Sun 7/28
Mommy & I left for Bellaire after lunch. The car ride was very pleasant; WV is so green & beautiful this time of year. We had dinner at a restaurant near Wheeling where my parents have eaten sometimes. I had lamb; Mommy had roasted chicken. We shared a piece of chocolate cake for dessert.
Tue 7/30
OH MY GOD! I have an offer to teach at the Logan City School District.
Spoke with Mr. Snodgrass, an Assistant Superintendent. Talked with me about my background, schooling, college work, student teaching & senior project. Finally, he asked me questions about my work at the day camp & specifically about story time. Felt oddly relaxed, especially considering how nervous I was at Bellaire.
He squinted at me for a moment, then said, I want to see if the Superintendent, Mr. Wilkens, is free. Can you wait here for a moment? I smiled & said, Of course. Then I started to get nervous.
He returned & introduced me to Mr. Wilkens. We shook hands & chitchatted. Then Mr. Wilkens said, Mr. Snodgrass thinks we should offer you a job teaching Title I Reading. You’d be working with small groups of children that need to improve their reading skills. Does that sound like something you’d like to do?
I said, Yes. But I was stunned; they told me some more about the job, but wasn’t really listening. All I could think was, What do I do now!?
Then Mr. Wilkens said, I can see this comes as a surprise. You will probably want to take a couple of days to think it over & talk to your parents. I said, Yes. Mr. Snodgrass said, Let’s say you give us a call by Thursday morning. We’ll give you a copy of the standard contract so that you can look it over.
Mommy was in the waiting room, & we walked out to the car. She asked me, How’d it go? I said, They offered me a job. She said, They what?
Yeah, exactly.
Wed 7/31
Spent last evening looking at the contract with Daddy. They are offering me $7,364 a year. Seemed like a lot of money until we roughed out a budget. It should be enough depending on rent, cost of electricity, water & so on. M&D offered to help me buy a car, find & set up an apartment.
Now, I have to decide what I am going to do: go to AZ or Logan.
On one side is Jaime, his smell, his warm/strong arms around me, the rumble of his voice saying he loves me, my head lying on his chest, & the happiest I have ever been. But it’s been 2 ½ months since I’ve seen him. Do I still love Jaime? Does he still love me? I think we do, but it is hard to be sure right now.
On the other side: I will be independent for the first in my life. My own apartment, my own car. I have spent 4 whole years learning to be teacher. Arizona is so far way. How often will I see my parents, my sister, my friends? And I will lose the lush green summers, the fall colors, the sharp winters, the fragrant springs, the birds I am just getting to know.
And Jaime hasn’t found a job that can support us.
What do I want?
I want both.
Thurs 8/1
Called Mr. Snodgrass & told him that I accept the position.
I decided to write a letter to Jaime to tell him; don’t think I can explain it on the phone.
Sun 8/4
I have been writing & rewriting the letter to Jaime all weekend. Have to be honest with him. Have to make sure he understands that, if he does come back, we can’t just pick up where things left off. These two months have changed me. I’ve lost him a little bit. It will be a little like starting over again.
The letter is sealed in the envelope; it is addressed & stamped. Will mail it in the morning.
Mon 8/5
As soon as I put the letter in the mail box, I wanted to cry. What if he doesn’t come back?
Tues 8/6
Don’t think I said in the letter how much I want him to come back. He will probably get the letter on Thursday; I will call him Thursday evening.
Thurs 8/8
Called Jaime this evening. What have I done? Was my letter so terrible?
He thought I was breaking up with him, & he was really hurt. Sorry, Jaime. Sorry, sorry, sorry.
He says he will have think about coming back. Please, please, please.